Take a Sad Song

Lately, I can’t stop listening to the Beatles’ Hey Jude song. Especially the lyric …

“Take a sad song and make it better.”

Last night, I watched dozens of Hey Jude you tube videos, including the original Beatles video, several solo performances by Paul McCartney and even more covers by other groups and people.

I almost cry with this song. In fact, I almost cry when any sentimental song comes up on the play list.

I would qualify my current life as a sad song. So much deep depression that I can’t seem to shake. Feelings and beliefs of worthlessness and inadequacy that span my waking moments. It is overwhelming.

An episode occurred last week that has certainly derailed things for me. I had spent the last 4½ months hoping, wishing, praying that a certain event would take place by December 31. Unfortunately it didn’t take place.

As simple as giving 4½ month request to have your oldest adult son move out of the house into his own apartment has been reduced to a heap of wounded spirits and emotions, hatred and regrets. It feels like a tree chipper has shredded my soul.

It is a sad song. My feelings of worthlessness, despair, lack of skill and ability as a parent and a human being has reduce me to tears at the slightest tender or sentimental song.

(Good grief. I’m a fifty five year old man. I should have my shit together my now.)

Before this emotional meltdown, sleepless nights and inner turmoil sparked by last week’s event,  I had taken some measure to make my sad song better :

  • Enrolled in a credited web development class at Indiana University Purdue University Indianapolis (IUPUI) which starts today (1/8/2018).
  • Continued with a painting project and hung some finished paintings in the house
  • Bought a treadmill to restart a long defunct walking/running program
  • Started a ‘learn to draw” self-education program in spite of my religious sensibilities and what others say is bad and sinful.

Friday night was the worst night in this recent series of sad days with movement toward an outcome that wouldn’t be beneficial to anyone.

I survived those bleak hours. Now, I’m trying to make my sad song better. Hopefully the above list will make the sadness better.

On a slightly humorous note …

I wanted to hang my latest painting in the basement ‘work out’ room. Yet, the angle of the basement stairs, the height of the hallway above the stairs, the dimensions of the painting (8′ x 6′) wouldn’t allow for it.

I found that kind of funny for some reason.


Latest painting. Finish in November 2017. Untitled. 8′ x 6′.



New Exhibits

I have not been to the Fort Wayne Museum of Art, yet I am on their email list. This morning the museum sent an email announcing two upcoming exhibits, Juxtaposed and Robert Williams: SLANG Aesthetics!

From the Fort Wayne Museum of Art web site, Juxtaposed “showcases the New Contemporary movement,  widely considered the largest and longest running art movement in history”. The SLANG Aesthetics! exhibit features Robert Williams who is “upheld as the godfather of the low-brow and pop surrealist art movements, and with as much frequency denigrated as an irreverent iconoclast among the arbiters of ‘high’ art”.

I am going to add the Fort Wayne Museum of Art to My Art Museum Bucket List. At least to take in these two exhibits, which runs from April 22 – July 23, 2017. This may prompt scheduling a vacation day to drive to Fort Wayne for the day. There is some family history in Fort Wayne as my paternal grandfather worked for Philo Farnsworth at the Farnsworth Television and Radio Corporation. I’m certain there is a historical marker somewhere in Fort Wayne I can search for.

I have a copy of the May 2013 issue of Juxtaposed magazine, yet don’t subscribe. I like the  high contrast art and text in that issue. Although I enjoyed that issue, I never subscribed. I don’t believe I saw another issue on the news stand. However, I have remedied that ‘issue’ and subscribed via the web site.

I have not heard of Robert Williams, the SLANG artist. This exhibition will allow me to know more about his work and his personality. I enjoy reading about artists and how they make their art, what effort they put into their craft, the emotions are revealed.

Calories for Tuesday, April 4, 2017.

I ended the day at 1,370 calories. That is 240 calories below my target of 1,610. I had the usual Slim Fast shake for breakfast, a protein bar for lunch, two beers for evening ‘cocktails’ and a bowl of Maple and Brown Sugar instant oatmeal for dinner.

I hope the Slim Fast shake and the protein bar gave the minimal amount of essential nutrients as I’m certain the beer didn’t and not certain about the oatmeal. Although the beer gave me a lift over the low level funk and the oatmeal was very sweet.

I walked two miles in the morning of April 4 for 169 calories. My feet were really hurting so I ended the walk. I decided to stay away from walking or running for a few days so my feet could stop hurting. Maybe I’m overdoing the exercise, or have bad shoes?

New Art

I purchased a drawing/collage by Nicole Huff, a student at McCutcheon High School. I saw her drawing in the Tri Kappa New Artist Show at the Lafayette Museum of Art. The drawing struck a cord in my emotions and so I bought it. It is titled “Loss of Innocence”.

I haven’t made any new art of my own. Although, I have built stretcher frames for 13 new paintings. I have one more frame to build and then I can start to make some new drip paintings. My parents asked if I would make a new painting for their home, so I should get on with the process.

Wishing Everyone a Fantastic Day !!