Happy When I Left

As the weekend ended I realized there is really no chance a relationship could developed. So I gave up the excitement for a new relationship with one I could care for and love and make happy and cuddle with for the rest of my life and the euphoria quickly faded.  Maybe under different circumstances and maybe in a different time it could have developed. But, she seems enamored with this other guy who is available for her as he lives closer to her, and is buffed and strong with a six pack. And, I don’t want to disrupt that as it has for her the possibility of a long lasting relationship and some happiness for her.

Reminds me of this song. Elton John’s “Love Her Like Me” from his Songs From the West Coast album.

I would apply that song to another girl I knew from college, who I was enamored with but tidal forces kept her away even though I was the best man at her wedding.

Life can be cruel at times.

And so, the euphoria from last week is now gone. Although I kept the calories in check and only limited the beer calories to two bottles of Three Floyds Gumball Head with the euphoria faded the neutrality back into play I am once again wondering why.

But, in an effort to reduce weight and body fat and to get back in shape, I will continue to keep the calories in check, returning to the consumption of Slimfast and salads.

The Gumball Head gave me a head and stomach ache, too.

On another note, I had to shop for new clothes for a fathers day cookout. Going to my little brother’s estate (yes, it is an estate) is a trauma for me as it displays the economic and social separation between us.

I would say it is a gulf, a deep canyon of rock carved by years of parent devotion poured on him and indifferent tolerance toward me.

So, not having the having the right clothes to attend a fathers day cook out in a multi million dollar estate, I stopped at Kohl’s to shop for a simple polo shirt and a pair of shorts. Thankfully, I found a shirt and a pair of shorts.

Although, the shorts were a 38 and the shirt an extra large, I accepted my expanded girth and paid the dollars so I could at least be presentable at the brothers estate, knowing that it would be tolerated in quiet indifference.

A few hours later I was happy when I left the estate in my new clothes while Elton John’s “The Emperor’s New Clothes” hummed in my head.

Somewhere in western Kansas. June 2015.

Somewhere in western Kansas. June 2015.

 

 

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Fathers Day at the Oaken Barrel

Last night, the kids took me out to one of my favorite brewery for Fathers Day, the Oaken Barrel in Greenwood Indiana. For calorie control, I had only one tall Razz Wheat with my chicken caesar salad.

My Fitness Pal reports one pint of Razz Wheat has 150 calories. I believe a ‘tall’ glass at the Oaken Barrel is one and a half pints. So, my beer calories for Thursday, June 14, 2018 was 225 calories.

I couldn’t find an official calorie count for the chicken caesar salad but will estimate it to be about 850 calories since I ate the cheesed croutons.

So, yesterday, with the calorie control was ok for yesterday at 1,435. Of course, this is an estimated guess.

Yet, I didn’t include the calories in the glass of chocolate milk I had at bedtime.

The euphoria from Wednesday has faded a bit. But there is a glimmer of a new euphoria by the opportunity to see someone this weekend that may spark a relationship.

A self portrait take on September 26, 2014 via the basement portholes at the Lew Wallace Study and Museum in Crawfordsville, Indiana.

A self portrait taken on September 26, 2014 via the basement porthole at the Lew Wallace Study and Museum in Crawfordsville, Indiana.

Wonderful Euphoria

So … yesterday was a good eating day.

  • Slim Fast shake for breakfast (180 calories)
  • Slim Fast shake for lunch (180 calories)
  • Salad kit with canned chicken (800 calories)

I know the Slim Fast is 180 calories per shake. But, I didn’t examine the numbers for the bag of salad and can of chicken. I just mixed it together and stirred it around. It was a salad and it was good enough.

Yesterday, I noticed a bit of euphoria. Maybe it was more ‘mania’ than euphoria but for some reason the world seemed to be a brighter place.

For context, I haven’t felt any kind of mania or euphoria or much of any enthusiasm for (maybe) several years. I had a duration of extreme sadness for about six months in 2017. That ended when the doctor adjusted the depression meds. However, there really wasn’t any high points after the med adjustment. Everything has been neutral to me for a very long time.

But for some reason, yesterday, I felt mania, enthusiasm, some happiness, some excitement.

I suspect that (maybe) it could be from the calorie restriction of the past 13 days. I’ve read that restricting calories can cause euphoria. A quick google search revealed a few explanations from increased cortisol levels to better blood sugar regulation to improvements in brain functioning.

Another explanation could be that I conceived of a road trip to the Four Corners, stopping at the Preston Monument and the 3 Points on the southern Colorado border, with a stop at the Wichita Art Museum and time to poke around Dodge City in Kansas.

I even went as far as to schedule dates in late July, calculated mileage, checked into possible accommodations including hotels and campgrounds, even scoped Wal-Mart parking lots to overnight in. Looked up flights to Denver and Wichita and rental car prices.

I don’t suspect I will actually take the trip. I’m known for planning road trips to the nth degree but never embarking.

If the euphoria is a result of restricting calories or conceiving a road trip, it is wonderful.

Looking west on I-70 to the snow covered mountain peaks. Photos taken by Dave O in June 2015.

Looking west on I-70 to the snow covered Gore Range. Photos taken by Dave O in June 2015.

 

 

 

Bus Riding Downtown

On Saturday, June 9, 2018, I rode an Indy Go bus from the south side of the city to downtown.

I know that most people would say “so”, “big deal”, “who cares”. But, for me, it was some what of a personal milestone. I never ridden an Indy Go bus as an adult. And, I only rode on the city bus once or twice as a teenager.

Of course, during college I rode the campus bus but I’m not counting that.

So what was my experience.

  • There is a lot of waiting. Waiting at the stop to ride the bus downtown. Waiting at the Transit Center downtown to ride home. If I had driven my 2000 Honda Civic, there would be no waiting, unless it was waiting in traffic.
  • It’s not a smooth ride. Indianapolis streets are the worst. Pot holes every where. Joe Hogsett (the mayor of Indianapolis) hasn’t done a great job repairing city streets, in my opinion.
  • The people. An entire mix. Black, white, Indian, old (me), young. We all sat in silence during the bumpy ride.

Why did I ride the Indy Go bus downtown?

Well, other than wanting the experience of waiting for and riding the bus, I wanted to take photos at the 2018 Indy Pride Festival.

Not that I’m gay. I’m as straight as they come. But, I wanted to take photos at the parade, show support, etc. I even bumped into my second ex-wife.

And, I could walk around downtown for a few miles and burn some calories.

I knew the festival would be a colorful event. And the ambient light was good for photos. I walked through the crowd and took over 384 photos. Some are great photos, most are mediocre, some are my usual creepy shots. Most everyone I encountered was happy to pose for me (G-rated poses).

I had a lunch at a restaurant on Mass Ave (Bru Burger) and drank two beers. So, my 9 day streak of no beer calories came to end at the Bru Burger. I have no idea what the calorie count of the juicy cheese burger with fried egg and french fries was

Self Portrait from the 2018 Indy Pride Festival (look in the sunglasses).

Self Portrait from the 2018 Indy Pride Festival (look in the sunglasses).

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After the parade, I burned lunch and beer calories by walking with the crowd to Military Park were the festival was gathering. However, a nasty storm was blowing in and the officials evacuated the park. I had not enter the festival grounds when they declared the evacuation but was directed toward the IUPUI campus.. I found shelter under a tree in front of the Heron Art School building.

One person walking by suggested I find shelter in the building instead of under the tree.  A sensible man would. But I stayed under the tree. Maybe a lightening strike would cure me of this depression?

When there was a break in the storm, I walked to an easy-up tent that was still standing and stood underneath it for a few minutes. When it was apparent the storm had passed, I walked through the empty and soaked festival grounds and back to the Transit Center.

I waited over 40 minutes for the bus for the ride home. My shoes were soaked from the storm.

I pulled the string for the bus to stop where I wanted to get off. I parked my 2000 Honda Civic near the bus stop so I drove home in my still-soaked shoes and wasted my of the remainder of the day.

If I take the bus downtown for a future photo opportunity, I could walk to the bus stop. It’s about a mile from the house and would help in the calorie burning effort.

Time Will Tell

If I have learned anything in my fifty-five years of existence, it is that little steps are the deciding factor in any endeavor.

We all know and ackowledge that concept. Small steps forward, consistently, make the difference.

In the short run, small steps are criticized, maybe condemned. The short term demands major changes, sweeping broad reaching changes that prove your commitment and enthusiasm.

In weight loss, the short terms requires hard core exercising and diet restrictions to see the fat melt away quickly. After all, the harder the effort the greater the result that can be observed and felt.

The long term allows for forward progress and slips backwards. Progress can be slow, unseen, painfully slow, but is progress nonetheless.

In my rollercoaster weight loss-gain past, I deemed the short term to be sixteen weeks. At least the sixteen week time span seemed to be my limit to the calorie restriction and exercise mania. After sixteen weeks, I usually succumb to the lure of beer and carbs, falling off the wagon, regaining weight and losing fitness.

During the sixteen weeks, I restrict calories to the max, deny myself much of what I like, obsess over miles, times, splits believing doing so proves my commitment. During those sixteen weeks, my motto is “going further while eating less”.

So, actually, what I thought were short steps for the long term were actually very long steps that cover a short distance in a short amount of time. I was in the effort for the short term.

Maybe this time, I will take shorter steps with a sight for the long term. Maybe I should :

  • Limit the Beer Intake … maybe playing the “how long can I go without a beer” game
  • Swapping the normal breakfast and lunch for a Slim Fast shake four days a week
  • Start walking … at least a mile a day

So, instead of short steps of eliminating all beer for all time and only drinking Slim Fast at every breakfast and lunch and limiting calories to 1,200 – 1,500 and walking at least five miles daily for a short time, I will try these short steps for a longer time.

And as usual, time will tell.

 

New Start … Again

It’s been a while since I posted. About six months. My last post outlined a short term plan to combat the slide into that depressive black hole. In that post I wrote the following …

  • Enrolled in a credited web development class at Indiana University Purdue University Indianapolis (IUPUI) which starts today (1/8/2018).
  • Continued with a painting project and hung some finished paintings in the house
  • Bought a treadmill to restart a long defunct walking/running program
  • Started a ‘learn to draw” self-education program in spite of my religious sensibilities and what others say is bad and sinful.

I can say that I have followed through with the credited web development class, continued with my painting project and finished a series of paintings.

I can’t say that I restarted the long defunct walking/running program and I can’t say that I continued the learn-to-draw program.

Maybe two out of four isn’t bad.

Although, I have walked on the treadmill in the past two days, walking a mile each day. And, I did try to draw over the last six months. I just have yet to find a groove.

Hopefully, things are starting to look brighter these days.

Depression is such a black hole to be trapped in. I’ve encountered a few people who say “just get over it”. Those are honest words and seem to be the solution at a quick glance, but it’s not easy to climb out of that black hole.

Anyways, I have decided to restart the weight loss effort and get back in shape by walking and running on the treadmill. That has given me some enthusiasm,. Hopefully the drawing thing will kick in. I have several frames waiting to be stretched with canvas for my next painting project. And, I am trying to get into a data management class for the fall semester.

In an effort to get a running start on this weight loss effort, I have decided to cut back on the beer, cut down my emotional eating and increase the exercise before I ‘officially’ start.

I haven’t had a beer in six days and I drank a Slim Fast shake for lunch today. Woo-hoo. One hundred and eighty calories of chocolate bliss.

slimFast_001

It’s a start.

My last official weigh in was April 3, 2017 at 169.8 pounds. At my last doctor’s visit (March 2018) I weighed about 215. It no surprise I’ve gained a few pounds.

Calories and Art


Calories for Wednesday, April 5, 2017

My total calories for Wednesday, April 5, 2017 was a heavy 1,853, which is 243 calories above my daily target of 1,610 calories.

The bulk of the calories came at dinner, where I consumed a plate of Spaghetti Carbonara, a caesar side salad and a slice of bread. I also had two bottles of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. The total dinner calories were 1,453.

The family gathered at an Italian restaurant to celebrate my mom’s recovery from her stroke of late February. She has made a marvelous recovery. A doctor visit earlier that day confirmed that she is on her way to a full recovery. It was the first time mom has been outside the house (except for doctor’s appointments) since the event.

I had the usual Slim Fast shake for breakfast and a protein bar for lunch. I realize the two bottle of the all-so-wonderful Sierra Nevada Pale Ale pushed me over the target. Had I refrained from consuming the beer I would have been under the target. Fortunately I stopped at two bottles.

I had zero exercise calories for the day. Thankfully, the pain in my feet has subsided. It’s not gone but is fading. I may be ready for a short walk or run over the weekend.


New Art

Yesterday I mentioned that I purchased a drawing from the Tri Kappa New Artist show at the Lafayette Art Museum in Lafayette, Indiana. I intended to include a photo but did not include it before I posted. Anyways, here is the photo.

Loss Of Innocence, a drawing that I purchased from the Tri Kappa New Artist show at the Lafayette Art Museum, Lafayette, Indiana.

Loss Of Innocence, a drawing that I purchased from the Tri Kappa New Artist show at the Lafayette Art Museum, Lafayette, Indiana.

I’m amazed at the talent these young artists exhibit. The works in painting, drawing, textiles and sculpture was varied and showed concern for theme and style. The Loss of innocence drawing is really a mixed media piece, a drawing and collage. It caught my heart and attention as there is so much to look at and explore about in this piece, one reason why I love a great collage as this one is. Thankfully, it was still for sale. Many pieces were not for sale as patrons had already bought those items. The show started on March 9, 2017. I walked through the galleries three weeks later.

View of one gallery of the Tri Kappa New Artist show at the Lafayette Art Museum, Lafayette, Indiana. There were two galleries of new student art work.

View of one gallery of the Tri Kappa New Artist show at the Lafayette Art Museum, Lafayette, Indiana. There were two galleries of new and original student art work.


Wishing Everyone a Great and Beautiful Day !!